I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
