sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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