was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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