i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize