dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
