ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So many bounce houses so little time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
