mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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