Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
