i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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