Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
