I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
