I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
