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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
