Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
