I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bring me that man meat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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