Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
