the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
