you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
