drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
