Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
