thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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