I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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