I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
