Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
