Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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