well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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