I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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