I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
