My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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