why didn't you poke me back
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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