Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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