yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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