Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
