I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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