oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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