Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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