You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
