God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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