there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
