meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
