I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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