Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
