Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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