I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
