He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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