life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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