I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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