we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
