i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
