I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
