between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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