Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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