You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
