wrigley field is MILF paradise
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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