I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize