omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
