like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize