you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
