Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
