Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
