True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
