Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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