I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just threw up on my dentist
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
