I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
