yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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