Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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