Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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