he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
