He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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