I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
