I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
