so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
