I cockslap morals
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
