Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
