she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
