I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
