It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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