john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
