Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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