so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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