Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
