Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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