I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize