If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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