haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
