I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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