Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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