i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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