a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i dont even know how to be here
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
