Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
