Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize