i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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