Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
