Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
