video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I AM VODKA MAN
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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