Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
