Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All the doctor said was why
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize