a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
