There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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