So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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