the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
