omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize