You work out of a Hotel?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
