are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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