Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
