Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
