cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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