How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i came on her dog
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
