my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
