Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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