Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My cat gives me a boner
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
