you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
