Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
