No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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